Meet the Medic
by Harold3456
Summary: What happened in the hours before the BLU Soldier rush? What was with the doves? How did the Medic become such a powerful class? Please enjoy.
1. The Medic

_A prequel to the Meet the Medic video. I'm going to try to do it in short chapters, for a change, for light reading. If reception is good enough, I might try the same thing with some other Meet the Team videos (I already did one with the Spy). If reception is lukewarm, then I think it's about time I moved on from TF2 stories anyway. Please critique, I'm trying to become a professional writer, I don't get very much criticism as is, and I know this can't possibly be perfect._

Klaus Vetterlein stood at the top of a hill, staring down at the old field sprawled out beneath him. The field was lit up by the last rays of the setting sun. It had clearly once belonged to a farmer; there were a few upturned tractors – some of them on fire, standing out starkly against the dark atmosphere – and the corpses of cows were scattered everywhere. These cows, who had been roaming free through the wrecked crop after their master had abandoned his homestead, were mere collateral damage in a fight that was far more important than they were. They currently served as cover for the BLUs and the REDs. At intervals stood several scarecrows, oblivious to the bloodshed that surrounded them, even as the sentinels lost their own heads and limbs to bullets and rockets.

A light rain pattered down upon everything, churning the valley down below into a muddy mess, indistinguishable from the orderly hay crop it had once been. The bottom of Klaus' white lab coat was stained brown with the mud of the hill. His boots churned into it as he shifted his weight restlessly. In his right hand he held the Overdose, a clunky old weapon that he had thrown together in a hurry, after hearing news of a coming battle. He didn't wear a Medipack on his back, nor did he carry his Medigun – which was a portable version of the Medi-Beam he had stored in the Hospital, and at this point in the war nothing more than a prototype.

Down below Klaus, in the aforementioned valley that he was so casually observing, were at least three dozen figures – men – engaged in a brutal, muddy, bloody battle. According to Klaus' calculations, the battle wouldn't go on for much longer, and then it would be time for him to go down and collect the dead members of RED, and do all he could for the wounded.

"Dummkopfs," He muttered to himself. Lately, the battle between the REDs and BLUs had been rapidly growing in ferocity. There were more casualties on both sides than ever before. New weapons and tactics were being introduced, to upset what had been a long stalemate. Recently, Klaus' Administrator had been requesting that he become a field Medic.

"Unthinkable!" Klaus had said, when the Administrator's attractive young secretary proposed the idea. "I am a doctor, a man of science and medicine! I would be of no use in the front lines!"

"You will find a way to be more useful to me!" The Administrator had snapped, through a television that the secretary was holding in her hands. "You would be wise not to fail me!"

Klaus Vetterlein had been born and raised in Germany. He had earned his medical license under the oppressive Nazi regime, and had been thrust into live war zones by his merciless superiors on many an occasion, with the actually rescue of his team members only playing second fiddle to his real task: grabbing limbs and organs in the interest of creating new life. However, there was something about the way the Announcer glared at him, and the disgusted, dismissive sound of her voice that gave him chills. That was when he began testing the Medi-beam for portable use on the field as a Medigun, which he labelled the Quick Fix – aptly named, since the Administrator threatened to throw him onto the field with or without proper tools.

And now those _schweines _down below were ruining his testing! RED had lost far too much ground already, and now they were pushed all the way back to the Hospital! Klaus glanced over his shoulder, at the hulking building on the other side of the hill. The abandoned medical facility had been appropriated by RED for his own convenience. He had been offered as many interns as he needed, but he said that he preferred to work in solitude ("As long as it doesn't impede your progress!" The Announcer had spat, before promising that her secretary would still be checking in).

Klaus heard the familiar sound of the air raid siren. It was sundown, and RED and BLU had a gentlemen's agreement that at sundown the dead and wounded could be collected. Down below, Klaus saw the men lowering their weapons, and dispersing. The REDs were walking up the hill, towards the doctor. Some were carrying others who couldn't walk so easily. The BLUs, apparently all Soldiers, were walking in the opposite direction, toward what looked to be an encampment in a dilapidated barn, surrounded by Sentries that had been far out of range of the battle.

Klaus walked down the hill to meet his comrades. "How many did we lose?" He asked the nearest man – Viktor, the Heavy Weapons Guy.

"We lose five." Viktor replied. "Two Scouts, One Demoman dead. Pyro and Spy are critical."

"And what about the vounded?"

Viktor glanced back over his shoulder, at the others. The Soldier was letting Tavish, the second of the team's two Demomen (and the only one to survive the battle), lean on his shoulder. Tavish was greatly favouring one leg. The Scout, Wally, one of the three Scouts who'd fought, was attempting to help Dell, the Engineer, up the steep incline. The boy, wearing his running shoes, was slipping in the mud. Dell, while not bearing any obvious wounds to his limbs or body, had lost his helmet in the fray. By the way he was stumbling around, he had taken a good hit to the head. Behind them both was Denny, another Scout. He was wearing his trademark Bonk helm, which was sporting a major dent, but he didn't seem wounded.

"Take zem to ze Hospital." Klaus ordered. "I'll see vhat I can do. Sniper!"

The Sniper, his hat sopping from the rain, came to attention with a start.

"Do you know where the criticals are?"

"Of course I bloody do, wanker! I've been covering fire for them for the last half hour! The Pyro is over there," The Sniper pointed toward a rock in the valley down below. Klaus could see a vague red shape leaning against it.

"Our Spy is there!" The Sniper adjusted his finger, and Klaus saw the man, on his hands and knees, struggling to stay up.

"Let's go get zem!" The Medic called. "Ve might not haff much time!"

The Medic and Sniper ran down the hill. When they reached the bottom, the Sniper immediately took a covering position behind a rock. BLU was usually trustworthy when it came to truces, but Klaus had experienced... incidents... in the past.

The Medic strode across the field, his boots making _squelching_ sounds in the mud. He tried to avoid stepping on the bodies of his enemies. It was unprofessional and dishonourable to do so during the ceasefire. He noticed that all of the BLU bodies – there were about eight of them – were Soldiers. BLU was attempting an offensive Soldier rush. Soldiers and their ammunition were both very expensive to manufacture, so it was clear the BLU really wanted ownership of the Hospital. Klaus could understand why. All of his gadgets were of his own design, and they would be very valuable to whichever company controlled them.

He hurried across the field to the nearest target, the Pyro.

_"Mmm-mmmf._" The Pyro bleated dejectedly. He was clutching his stomach, where he had clearly taken a stab from an Equalizer. Klaus pulled a small bottle of pills out of his pocket, and handed one to the Pyro. The arsonist pulled his mask up just far enough to pop the pill. In doing so, he revealed to himself Pyro's scarred chin and neck. Klaus ignored the man's deformities, however. Klaus handed the Pyro his canteen, and the arsonist took a swill. The Medic pulled a small pair of scissors from his jacket and cut at the suit.

The Pyro objected to having his uniform peeled away, and initially tried to stave the Medic off.

"Hold still!" Klaus ordered. "Or I'll accidentally cut into something worse!" When the Pyro refused to relent, Klaus made his point by jabbing into the man's stomach. The man cried out, the plaintive scream muffled by his mask. Klaus tore open the belly of the flame-retardant suit. "Zis is only a temporary solution," He said, pulling out a small first aid kit he had strapped to his belt. He took some salve out, and applied it to the gash in the Pyro's stomach – clearly made by the bladed edge of a shovel. The wound quickly closed, but a red scar remained.

"Only ze surface is healed, friend." Klaus warned. "Ze pain is gone, but be careful! Until I get you under my beam, you are not healthy yet." Klaus stood, reaching out his hand to the Pyro. The man clasped the hand, and Klaus pulled him to his feet.

"Now get indoors. If you're lucky, ze Administrator has laid out a new uniform for you."

The Pyro muttered a muffled "thanks", and then hurried up the hill to join his partners. The Medic turned to look at the Spy, who was now lying on his side in the mud like a wounded animal.

Klaus made haste toward the Spy, realizing that the Frenchman's situation could possibly be more urgent than the Pyro's had been. He was correct in his assumption. The Spy had a knife in his back.

"Spy!" Klaus hissed, not knowing the man's real name. "Spy, talk to me!" He dropped to his knees, and rolled the masked saboteur over to face him.

The Spy coughed, and appeared surprised when a drop of blood hit the grass in front of his face. "Get me a dry cleaner." He said wryly.

"Zhat knife..."

"Don't worry," The Spy gasped through his pain. "I can walk. The..." he grunted in pain. "The amateur missed his target."

The Medic gave the Spy his pill, and let the man dry swallow it, as he always did. Then the Medic cut off the man's jacket, and tore away at his vest and shirt enough to apply his medicine.

"Help me up," The Spy said, and the Medic pulled the man to his feet. The Spy stretched cautiously, loathe to reopen his newly sealed wound. "My cigarettes," He said to Klaus.

"Not yet," The Medic replied.

"Th-The BLU Spy got into the base!" The Spy gasped, attempting to steady himself on his feet. He loosened his tie, and undid the top button of his shirt to alleviate the pressure on his neck. With his blue, pinstriped suit jacket lying on the floor, the Spy's armament was clearly visible: his revolver was held beneath his left arm, in a gun sling. His knife was spring loaded, barely concealed beneath a tattered coat sleeve. "He took the disguise of one our men. He walked right past you!"

Klaus grunted. It was certainly possible that a Spy got past him. He had enough on his mind without having to take stock on whether or not everyone was acting normally. With the Pyro down here, it would've been easy. For the first time that night, Klaus' heart began to thump a little harder. "Get the Pyro, tell him to hurry to my lab! Find the intruder!"

The Spy sniffed. "Just because you saved my life, German, does not make you my l-"

The Medic advanced a step. "I haven't saved your life _yet_, _ami_. I need my Medibeam to completely heal you. So if I were you, I'd keep that Spy from stealing it."

RED Spy nodded his head at this, and then turned and followed the others. He would never run – such a thing struck him as undignified – but he was making haste with his strides.

There was movement behind the men, and both of them suddenly turned, the Spy pulling his revolver out in one motion.

"So," Klaus muttered, as soon as his Spy was out of earshot. "How much did you hear?"

There was a young man behind him, kneeling over the body of a Soldier. "I-I heard nothing, I swear-" The man cried in an American accent as Klaus whirled around to face him. The RED Medic had his Overdose levelled at the enemy doctor.

"Please," The short, blonde Medic pleaded, getting slowly to his feet and raising his hands. "Don't kill me."

"I am not a barbarian, boy." Klaus snapped. "Zis is ze truce! Ceasefire! Everybody calls it that. Do those words mean nothink to you!"

"Than why do you carry that gun?"

The Medic pulled up his jacket and undid his shirt, revealing a scar right along the waistline of his pants. "Some people don't understand ze word Ceasefire. It vas a Spy. Two years ago. But, this isn't time for idle chit chat, child, you should be keeping your teammates alive!" He gestured. "And you aren't doing a very good job vith zat vun!"

The American immediately crouched next to the man in question, a Soldier wearing a Tyrant's Helm. Klaus began to walk back to the Hospital.

"Fuck!" The young Medic suddenly cried. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Klaus turned to look at the man. The blonde was staring up at him pleadingly. "I forgot my pills back at camp. This man is going to die without them!"

Klaus stared at the BLU, neither men wavering in their gaze. Klaus' was stoic, BLU's was apologetic. After a minute, Klaus pulled his pills from his pocket, and tossed them at the younger man.

"Thank you, sir! Thank you!" The blonde cried.

_When we're out on the field,_ Klaus thought, _you will be my enemy._ But until that time, they were simply two doctors, with two different employers. Klaus turned away again, and followed his teammates home.

* * *

><p>"Whot in the bloody 'ell was that tripe?" The Sniper demanded as the pair walked up the hill. "Why did you give that man your supplies?"<p>

"A friend of an enemy isn't necessarily my enemy, Sniper. He's a non-combatant. I would expect to be shown the same courtesy."

"And are you aware that the Soldier who you just rescued was the one who killed Denny?"

The Medic paused in his stride. "Denny's dead?"

"Gibbed, mate."

Klaus thought of what the Spy told him about an intruder. He thought about Denny with his red Bonk helm, dented in the side. He made a mental note to gut the boy next time he saw him, just in case, and then continued his stride. He was eager to get out of the rain.

"It's just as well, though," The Sniper mused, "the kid was an obnoxious chatterbox."

"He had a good heart." Klaus replied.

"That's true, he had good intentions. I mean, he was trying to feed his mother..."

"Zat's not what I meant," Klaus replied. "I mean he was in good shape, didn't smoke. He had a good, strong cardiovascular system. A shame, really."

The Sniper lit up a cigarette, and stayed quiet for the rest of the walk.


	2. The Spy, the Scout and the Pyro

A mere ten minutes later, Klaus stood in his Operating Room and overlooked the two critical men, who were under the influence of the Medi Beam. The Spy and Pyro lay in adjacent cots, with the beam between them. Klaus had split the Beam, so that it would operate on them both at the same time.

The Spy was lying on his back with his eyes closed. He looked relaxed, but Klaus knew from experience that he was ready to attack the first thing that he heard. And he wasn't enjoying the roost of doves that were flapping around in the rafters. Spy was still just wearing his mask, dress shirt and pants, having ditched the vest and tie. His gun was in its holster beside his pillow, and his knife was still on his person. Klaus had been urged to give the Spy warning before he tried to touch him.

The Pyro, who was lying beside the Spy, was also in his original, battle-worn outfit. From the muffled snores, Medic could tell that the Arsonist was unconscious. The Medic smiled at how well he knew the man of fire, whose primary motivations were sleep and combustion. Truly he was a magnificent specimen.

"Yo, Doc!" Wally the Scout called from the doorway. "You see Denny anywhere? He kinda disappeared once we got into the place."

Klaus turned to look at the relaxed RED Spy, to see if the man would react. He didn't.

"Nope, haven't seen him. Don't zhink ve vill, either. No, don't leave yet, child!" Klaus stopped Wally from disappearing again. "I have a task for you. Something very big is going to happen tomorrow, and I need to spend as much time in here, doing research, as possible. I need you to take Jane Doe" _(He still said the Soldier's feminine alias with a snort of derision) _"and Viktor, and collect ze rest of the dead. Zose limbs von't be useful for much longer if ve don't get zhem frozen in here!"

"Aw man!" Scout lamented. "Come on! Denny and I was gonna play a round of baseball!"

"Business before pleasure, my young _kinder_, for night has fallen. And some jobs are better done at night."

The Scout grumbled, but walked off regardless.

While the two other men healed, Klaus got closer to examine the Medi-Beam, being careful not to adjust it and possibly interrupt the healing of his comrades. The beam, which had been a complete medical breakthrough when he had invented it two years ago, was now considered obsolete by his superiors. Now they wanted a _gun_ to shoot medicine. After all of the lives he had saved, and all of the money he had spared Reliable Excavation and Demolitions on new recruits, they wanted him to go out into the field and put himself in direct danger.

"Can you please shut up those _insufferable_ birds?" The RED Spy demanded from where he sat. "_Mon Dieu_, Doctor, I can't hear myself think!"

A couple of the birds up above cooed in objection. Klaus glanced up at them. There were Socrates, Plato, Bacchius, Claudius, Archimedes... all of them had once been wild doves, living within the exoskeleton of this old, dank, abandoned hospital. Now they were his pets, much to the dismay of others, who called them _unhygienic _and _smelly_.

"My birds aren't hurting anyone, you ungrateful fool! Now shut up and let me heal you!" Klaus continued poking around the Medi-Beam, following the large cord to the Energy Reservoir, a large, metal box that was three feet tall by three feet wide, which supplied the energy for the beam. This was plugged into the wall. Klaus knew that if he wanted to create a portable Medigun, he would need to create a smaller, more portable box, and make it self-powered. For that, he would enlist the Hardhat, after healing him of his concussion.

Suddenly, Klaus was eager to have Mr. Conagher into his room. He looked over at Spy and Pyro. The Pyro was definitely ready to leave, his wounds having been completely healed. The Spy had taken more punishment out on the field, and would be at least another fifteen minutes.

"Pyro!" Klaus cried, and the Arsonist rose with a start, looking around in a panic, his Fire Axe clasped to his chest, ready to swing.

"Pyro, my friend!" Klaus reached out his hand, and helped the other man to a seated position. "You are all better now, I think!" Klaus clapped the man's shoulder, and got him on his feet. "Now please, do me a favour and don't let yourself get stabbed again, hmm? Didn't Dell put zhat airblast mechanism on your flamethrower for a reason?" Klaus gave the masked man a friendly smile, and herded him out of the room. "Now, please make yourself useful and get me ze Engineer!"

The Medic turned back to the Spy, and saw that he, too, was getting up.

"Vhere do you zhink you are going?" Klaus inquired.

The Spy reached over for his cigarette case, which was sitting next to the Overdose on a tray near the bed. "I am getting out of here. I feel fine now, and I can't stand the sound of these incessant doves!"

As if to make his point, Archimedes perched on the bust of Hippocrates sitting next to the Spy's cot. The Frenchman turned to face the bird. Archimedes cocked his head and cooed. The Spy waved his hand, causing the bird to fly off while the Saboteur stood up.

"Vait a minute! I haven't even given your vound a final look!"

The Spy walked right up to Klaus' face. "You have already stripped me of most of my weapons and gadgets," he muttered, "in a place that isn't entirely secure! I have warned you, I s'ink zhere is an enemy Spy around here. I'll do my best to find him, but I refuse to lie helplessly here any longer!"

"Dell's Sentry-"

"You really s'ink a Sentry gun sitting _outside zhe building _is any good?" Spy hissed. "_Adieu_, mon ami. I'll send you my bill in the mail." With that the Spy smirked, and exited the room.

The Medic let out a sigh, and then began crossing the room toward his Medi-Beam, glancing over at the bust of Hippocrates as he did so. Bird droppings ran down one side of the ancient doctor's face, which was also Archimedes' favourite roosting spot. The bird was the most morbidly curious of Klaus' entire flock, and liked to sit right beside the doctor's patients.

_Coo, _Klaus suddenly heard Archimedes call. _Coo_.

_ Vhere did zat Spy scare him off to?_ Klaus thought. "Archimedes?" He called. "Archimedes, did you get stuck in ze limb freezer again?"

_ Coo._

Klaus saw the bird perched in the corner of the room. "Typical Archimedes." Klaus chided. "Now, why don't you quiet down while Daddy does his..."

Klaus suddenly noticed something strange about the bird. Mainly that he appeared to be perched on nothing.

"Archimedes?"

The bird stared down between its legs, and pecked at midair. The Medic suddenly heard a gasp of pain, and then saw a BLU silhouette take form beneath the bird, holding a butterfly knife in his hand. A tiny trickle of blood poured down from above his eye. It was the missing BLU Spy.

"Don't move, Doctor. Don't worry, I don't want your life. I don't even want your machine, there." The Spy gestured to the Medi-Beam. "I just want a copy of the Blueprints you've made up."

Klaus glanced toward the door, where both of his allies had disappeared, while simultaneously taking a count of his allies in his head. Scout, Soldier and Heavy were all up the hill, collecting bodies. RED Spy was probably searching the bowels of the Hospital for his doppelganger, if he wasn't simply in the dry cleaners looking for a fresh suit. God knew where the Pyro was, although hopefully the Engineer was on his way.

"Zis is a breach of ceasefire!" Klaus said indignantly.

"Not if I don't kill you," The BLU Spy said with a sneer that rivalled the one his counterpart had just given Klaus. "I just want information. If you give it to me, and I leave without causing you harm, then this is no more a breach of ceasefire than you donating your medicine to that BLU Medic earlier!"

"How do you know... well, it doesn't matter! Fine, you have me cornered. Ze Blueprints are in zis file cabinet, I vill get zem." Klaus began crossing the room to the cabinet right next to the cots. The BLU Spy immediately hurried toward him, grabbing the Overdose that lay nearby and tossing it into the corner, where the needles all spilled out of it.

Klaus started to kneel down in front of the filing cabinet, and then stopped.

"What is the problem?" The Spy demanded.

"I don't vant you lurking behind me, you backstabber! You know vhy!"

The Spy sniffed. "Fine." He moved over to Klaus' right side. Klaus took a key from his pocket, and opened the door of the file cabinet. Up above, he heard the Spy try to light a cigarette, but the Spy's lighter clicked uselessly. The BLU Saboteur swore distractedly. The Medic took the opportunity to grab the bust of Hippocrates sitting on top of the cabinet.

"Hey, what in the hell are you-"

The Medic swung the bust. The Spy moved his head out of the way, but the bust still hit his shoulder and he lost his balance. Klaus knew he wouldn't stand a chance if the Spy were allowed to recover. He leaped up and ran at the Spy with a scream, swinging the bust right at Spy's face. The Spy, still off-balance, could do nothing to avoid the blow. He went down with an impressive thud that sent waves of force right up the Medic's elbow, and then he was still. The Medic kicked the knife out of the Spy's hand, and knelt over him with a sadistic grin. "Now, my shadowy friend, prepare for your examination!"

* * *

><p>An hour passed, and Klaus spent the time poring over the rough set of Quick Fix blueprints he had just saved from the BLU Spy. In addition to being smaller and lighter than the Medi Beam, the Quick Fix also needed to be self-powered, since it couldn't be plugged in, and that was proving to be a major obstacle.<p>

"How about solar power?" Klaus asked himself, scratching his chin. "_Nein, nein_, too unreliable. Batteries? Von't last long enough! Dammit!" Klaus swung around and pounded his fists on the table in frustration.

"Uh... Doc?"

Klaus glanced over his shoulder. Wally was standing in the doorway. "Everything good in there?"

Klaus pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "Yes, yes, I'm just... vorking. Did you collect our dead?"

"Yeah, I got 'em." Wally walked into the room. "Tubby brought 'em down to the meat locker."

"Good, good." Klaus nodded, hiding a smirk behind his hand despite still facing away from the boy. Wally was oh so colourful with his nicknames.

"Oh, but I think you should know something, Doc..."

"Yes?"

"Uh... we kinda left your wheelchair up on the hilltop."

"_Vhat_?" Klaus screamed, whirling around to face the Scout. "Zhat is an important medical instrument!"

Wally scratched the back of his head, averting his eyes from Klaus' glare. "Yeah, uh... we... that is to say, _I_... thought it would be easier to carry the bodies down on it, but there were only the two of them – Denny was pretty blown up, heh... and, it kinda got bogged down in the mud..."

"Are you trying to tell me zat you tried to use my mobility-saving, medically enhancing chair as a _rickshaw_?"

The Scout shuffled to his right nervously, walking towards a nearby corner. "About that... I'm sorry. But hey, we got the bodies!"

"I vant you to go up there, _right now_, and get it back down!"

"Whaaat?" Wally complained. "Come on, Doc, it's all the way up there! That's a fifteen minute walk in the rain! I mean _hey,_ surely _somebody_ will use it up there, right?" The Scout flashed a timid smile, taking another step into the corner, and then tripped on a broom. "_Whoa!_" He cried, grabbing for a nearby closet door handle on his way down. The closet wasn't locked, however, and all Wally succeeded in doing was pulling the handle down and opening the door before landing on his face. A second later, a body in a blue, pin-striped suit toppled out of the closet onto the boy.

"_Jesus_!" Wally screamed. "Geddim offa me!" He kicked the deceased body off of himself, and jumped up to his feet. "What the hell is wrong with you, man?" He shouted at Klaus. "Who da hell is this guy? Why's he in your closet? _WHERE THE HELL IS HIS HEAD_?"

Klaus leaned on a mini-fridge. "You ask a lot of questions, boy."

"This is seriously _fucked up_!" Wally yelled, pointing furiously at the suited, headless body. "How long has he been in here?"

Klaus shrugged. "If he's dead, vhat does it matter?"

"Is this legal? Is it _sanitary_?"

"Is zhat Atomic crap zat you drink legal _or_ sanitary_,_ hmm?"

The Medic's question gave the Scout pause, but only briefly. "Man, I'm gonna go tell Hardhat you're keeping headless guys in closets, now!"

"Fine, go, tell him!" Medic waved his hand dismissively at the departing Scout. "Get out of here! You are distracting me, anyvay!"

The Scout hurried out of the room, while Klaus knelt down over the headless body. "I am sorry you had to see zat, friend." Klaus said to the corpse with a smile, before shoving it gracelessly back into the closet and slamming the door.


	3. The Engineer

"Hey, Doc!" Dell Conagher, the Engineer, walked into the room.

"Finally!" Klaus cried. "I can talk to an intellectual, for a change! How is ze head?"

Dell flashed the German doctor a smile. "The pills did wonders, thanks. Cleared those fuzzy thoughts right up! Wally said you were having some Spah problems."

"_A_ Spy problem. Singular. But it's resolved now. Zat Scout is so sensitive about these kinds of things!" The Medic rolled his eyes. "Kids."

"Hm," Dell stroked his chin, not looking entirely convinced.

"But as long as you're here, Engineer, you may be able to help me out vith zese Blueprints." Klaus motioned Dell over to the blueprints lying out on the work table. Dell removed his hardhat and pushed his welding goggles up onto his forehead. Then, he leaned over the table and narrowed his eyes. "Looks like you've done a fine job here so far, Doc. Everything seems to fit together. It's small, portable, looks like it'll work as a backpack..." Dell muttered a few things to himself, and then wrote something in illegible cursive on the page. "Your problem seems to be one of power, my friend."

"Very perceptive, my diminutive friend! I don't know how to power ze damn thing!"

"You ruled out solar power?" Dell asked.

"Solar power vould be useless! Vhat if ve fought indoors, or in ze rain, like we did today?"

"Alright. I suppose a European like you would have thought of Tesla coils?"

Klaus paused, taken aback by the idea. "Tesla coils... yes! Yes, I zhink zhat vill vork! But is it sustainable?"

Dell rubbed his chin some more. "Well, I know a man like you already knows that you need the coils to power the energy."

"Yes,"

"But did you consider _also_ using the energy to power the coils?"

Klaus' jaw dropped. "Is zat possible?"

Dell smiled triumphantly. "As long as you keep healing people, it is. You'll use the electricity to keep them alive..."

"And use zheir own natural life energy to power ze gun!" Klaus finished. "Genius, genius!" He wrapped his arm around Dell's shoulder, laughing triumphantly. "But is it economically feasible?"

"I got my tools downstairs." Dell replied. "I'll bring them up, and we'll get to work!"

"Hurry, friend, hurry!" Klaus called after the running man. When Dell was gone, the Medic kicked the mini-fridge at his feet. "You hear zat, friend?" He boasted into the fridge. "Ze sound of progress!" There was no reply. Dell returned a minute later, and the two RED men started working. Klaus had the rough backpack design built already, but with Dell's help, he soon added the coils to it. For the most part, the men were quiet while they worked. They were good building companions – Klaus had recently helped Dell to add healing capabilities to his Dispenser plans – and not much needed to be said.

It was over an hour after they began that Klaus first spoke up: "You know, my hard-hatted friend, ze Quick Fix isn't ze only idea I had rolling around in my head."

"Oh?" Dell replied, not looking up from the backpack.

"You remember Operation _Ubermensch_?"

Dell's head shot up, and he glared at Klaus. "No! No, no, no, no, no!"

"Come on!" Klaus said with a shrug. "Vhy not? Remember zhe time I successfully Ubered zat gorilla?"

"I remember the time that you got your ass beat by an invincible gorilla, yes!"

"Vild beasts." Klaus shook his head in disgust. "Now, how did zat incident turn out?"

"Well, the ape destroyed my Sentry, beat you half to death, tore apart your lab, relieved itself on your floor and then busted the Medi-Beam and killed itself from cardiac arrest. Now I will not stand by and watch you play around with that devil's formula! Not again. It ain't natural, and it sure as hell ain't safe! That Soldier..."

"He knew the risks." Klaus replied. "He vas there for the gorilla, and he knew vhat he vas getting into! But zat vas a long time ago!"

"It was two weeks ago, Doc." Dell crossed his arms. "And the answer is 'no'. Some things are better off untouched, and your invincible, comic-book, Superman formula is definitely one of those things!"

"Your scepticism is starting to wear thin. If zhere is vun thing zat I know, Hardhat, it is life. If I can sustain it, zen I can _create it_!" Klaus cried adamantly, pounding a gloved fist into the shot the man a mad grin. "I created ze Pyro out of a few used body parts and a car battery!"

Dell glared into Klaus' eyes. "Don't say stuff like that, Medic. I can't tell if you're joking. And it gives me the creeps."

"Yes, zat Soldier's heart exploded. Zat was a bad idea, I admit. But vat about Viktor? He is almost ze same size as ze gorilla!"

"Not even close. He ain't _that_ big. Besides, you're talking about taking our best fighter and experimenting on him a day before..." Dell checked his watch. "Nay, _four hours before_ our next battle."

Klaus wasn't listening to Dell anymore. His eyes had glazed over as he thought back to the gorilla. "It glowed bright red. It vas invulnerable. It vas... glorious." The Medic closed one of his hands into a fist.

_CLANG!_ Dell struck the Quick Fix with his wrench one time, and it sputtered to life, the dial lighting up. "There you are, Doc. It's all finished. And leave it as it is! I don't want you getting all of us killed!"

"Zat is ze problem vith all you Americans! You have no interest in experimentation! Vithout experimentation zhere can be no progress!"

"I'm all for experimentation, Doc." Dell replied over his shoulder as he left the room. "But what you're planning is not only impossible, it'll get us all killed! Have a good night, Klaus! And go straight to bed! I don't want you touching those designs without more sleep!"

"Sleep is for ze dead, Conagher!" Klaus called. "Danke for ze assistance!"

Klaus stopped and listened as Dell's footsteps pattered off into the distance. Then he suppressed a yawn, put on a pot of coffee, and pushed a button on the nearby PA system.

"Viktor?" He said into the microphone. "Viktor, if you can hear me, please report to ze Operating room. Viktor to ze Operating room." Klaus took off his lab coat, and hung it up on a nearby chair. "And please make haste."


	4. The Heavy and Miss Pauling

Klaus was dumping out an ashtray from the fridge when he heard the low knock on the Operating Room doors. A second later, the doors opened and Viktor walked in. He was carrying his minigun in his hands. "Hello, doctor." The RED Heavy Weapons Guy said cheerfully.

"Viktor, I vas vaiting for you! Please, come in, come in!" Klaus ushered the larger man into the room. "You can set your weapon down on the floor over... there..." Klaus tried to say, but Viktor had already walked across the room and set the gun down on one of Klaus' medical cots.

"Only the best for Sasha." The Heavy said.

"Of course," Klaus muttered with a brief, incredulous head shake. With the probable exception of the Pyro, Viktor was certainly the most eccentric – for lack of a better word – of the team. "Vell then, let's get started!"

"What are we doing?" Viktor asked, somewhat suspiciously.

Klaus let out a disarming chuckle. "Actually, my obtuse friend, you are being given the honour of assisting me in a groundbreaking medical advancement." Klaus walked across the room to the Beam, and adjusted it to point at the cot that the Russian would be lying on. "Please, take a seat-" Klaus hurried over to Viktor, swatting the man's hand before the Russian could touch the Quick Fix, which was lying on the table. "And for God's sake, don't touch anything!"

Viktor sat on the cot, watching Klaus as he moved around the room. The Medic knelt in the corner of the room where the BLU Spy had knocked the Overdose, and swept syringes back into the gun. When he was finished, Klaus straightened up and turned to Viktor. "Vell, vhat are you vaiting for?" He said. "Go on, lie down! Lie down!"

"Tell me, Doctor," Viktor said, lying on his back on the cot and clasping his hands over his sizeable stomach. He looked uneasy. "What _exactly_ are we doing?"

Klaus grinned. "Ve are making a God out of you." He said, and with that, he shot a syringe into Viktor's neck.

"Wha-" Viktor cried, grabbing the needle and pulling it out, but it was too late. "Traitor!" Viktor yelled, although his slurred speech seemed to turn the word into one syllable.

"Relax, my friend, I simply applied a local anaesthetic to you, it is heavily tested and completely harmless – at least it is to elephants..." Klaus trailed off. The man was already unconscious. The Medic clucked his tongue at the sight of the sleeping Russian, and thought of all the ways in which he was improving the Heavy Weapons Guy. Viktor was slow, lumbering, and naive... it was a miracle that he wasn't dead in the field already, even with his brute strength and impressive armament. In Viktor's current state, Klaus saw the man as weak and vulnerable – he was constantly making himself an easy target for enemies.

"Vith me at your side, my friend..." Klaus muttered, leaning over the man, "You vill be a Tiger Tank among men!"

_Knock, knock, knock_.

"Mr. Vetterlein?" A female voice called timidly.

Klaus' head shot up to look at the door. He saw a pretty woman standing there. She was mousey, and her body language suggested extreme hesitance and caution. She wore glasses and a light-red blouse.

"Ah, Miss Pauling! To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Miss Pauling checked the clipboard that she was hugging to her chest. "I was doing a routine examination of the mercenaries, and I couldn't help but notice a curious use of RED's funding – Operation _Ubermensch_?"

Klaus straightened up, and adjusted his glasses on his face. "Go on..."

" I checked around a bit, and found out that it was a failed application of the Medibeam's Intermissive Swelling Proton Surge Effect. _Then_, after some more checking around, I learned that you were planning to attempt the same experiment tonight." She glanced past Klaus, at Viktor. "Is... he okay?"

"He's alive." Klaus replied dismissively. "Who told you I vas vorking on Operation _Ubermensch_ tonight?"

"A... little bird." Pauling replied, glancing up at the doves roosting in the rafters.

"Ah. I understand." Klaus knew that the Announcer bugged many things, in her obsessive need to control every aspect of the mercenaries' lives, and that she didn't have a problem with putting listening equipment in animals. When the gorilla had exploded during that first fateful experiment, parts of a microphone and radio set had shot out of its torso. Klaus had been confused, to say the least.

"Perhaps this conversation is better carried out elsewhere." Klaus told Miss Pauling.

"Agreed," She replied, and he led her out of the room.

Pauling was short – her head was on a level with Klaus' chest. Nonetheless, she was a direct link to the Announcer, and that made her intimidating, despite her passive, defensive demeanour.

"Thank you," Pauling muttered as they walked down the hall, keeping her voice low despite being away from the doves. "I want to be able to talk to you, away from _Her_ ears."

"I know just ze place." Klaus replied. They walked through the poorly lit, mouldy hallways, stepping over broken tiles and under missing lights and ceiling panels, walking up a set of stairs. They passed numerous rooms that Klaus recognized as belonging to his teammates. Some of the doors were shut. Others were open, and the rooms were empty. Klaus Vetterlein wasn't the only member of RED who was having a sleepless night.

Klaus led Miss Pauling into a second story room. The room was wide, dark, and sparsely furnished. There was a large window that was overlooking the hill outside, where the battle was likely to be fought the next day. The window was broken in one corner, and there was a chill breeze entering the room. Klaus noticed that it was nearly dawn, as the night sky was much brighter than it should have been. He had lost track of time in the Operating Room.

"Zis room hasn't been used since I moved in." Klaus told Pauling. "But ze last winter was harsh. I doubt any listening equipment could have survived."

"Good, because I want to tell you something. Something the Announcer might not like."

"I'm made of ears." Klaus replied.

"I'm _all_ ears is the expression. The Announcer is impressed by your show of initiative, and she sent me down here to tell you to go ahead with Operation Ubermensch. You have her full support. She says it's about time you did something useful for the team."

Klaus nodded solemnly, not surprised by the Announcer's sentiments.

"Before I speak my mind, Mr. Vetterlein, I'm required by my boss to tell you that you are a genius. You are a strong-willed, charismatic Renaissance man of medical science, while Mr. Conagher is a stupid, short-sighted man who hates advancement and has no passion for pioneering scientific progress."

"I agree entirely!" Klaus exclaimed excitedly, stabbing a finger into the air.

"No!" Miss Pauling exclaimed. She shook her head. "The Announcer always does this. She tells you what you want to hear to get into your head!" The young woman hit her forehead with the heel of her palm. `When will I stop submitting to her? Mr. Vetterlein, I read up on this project of yours! It was never tested on humans! It was tested on animals – once – and that was a failure."

"It vas a scientific misstep."

"It was a total failure. Do you have _any_ scientific basis to suggest that the experiment will work this time?"

"Vell, I..." Klaus paused, rubbing his chin, and then shook his head. "No. But I have made adjustments to-"

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM_

The entire building shook, and Klaus and Miss Pauling dove to the ground as broken glass rained down on them. Miss Pauling suddenly reached into her blouse, and pulled out a revolver.

"What the hell was that?" She screamed, her head whipping around in terror.

"I think ze attack has started." Klaus replied bemusedly. "Interesting. It's early yet."

"Are we in danger?"

"I think zhat vas just a stray rocket. Ze real fighting is still on ze far side of ze hill."

Miss Pauling didn't look convinced as she held the gun with the barrel pointed at the ceiling, and pressed herself against the wall beside the window.

"L-let me make something clear, Mr. Vetterlein." She said. Her knees were shaking, and she seemed to be hiding behind the weapon. "The Announcer – our boss – sent me out here on a one-way teleporter. I'm trapped in this hospital, same as you. She gave me orders to tell you to go ahead with your project – she said the rewards outweigh the risks. But while our lives are an acceptable loss to her, I don't see things the same way! I would rather not get captured or killed by the enemy because of an underdeveloped, untested hypothesis gone wrong!"

"It vill vork," Klaus said to Miss Pauling. "I've done the necessary calculations many times." That was a lie.

Pauling's revolver arm shook. "Are-are you sure?"

"Positive." He fibbed again with a reassuring smile. Miss Pauling, getting over her initial surprise of the rocket attack, slowly put the revolver away.

"Now, I must go see Viktor. If I don't start cutting before he vakes up, things vill be a lot more complicated!"

"Won't he be mad that you drugged him and started testing on him without his permission?"

"I no longer have time to vorry about such things. Usually, though, once I get him cut open, he becomes much more... accepting... towards science." Klaus strode toward the door.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you, Mr. Vetterlein!" Miss Pauling called after him.

"I suggest you keep away from ze vindows!" Klaus called back without breaking stride. "Or at least find a helmet!" He stepped into the hallway, leaving Miss Pauling out of sight and mind.

* * *

><p>Viktor's slow climb out of oblivion reminded him of the escape from the Siberian gulag. He was trapped under freezing water, trying to push to the surface with great, powerful strokes, but continuously hitting solid ice that pinned him beneath the surface. He punched the ice repeatedly, but it wouldn't give. His whole world was dark. His muscles were freezing cold, with hypothermia not far off. His lungs were aching, an ache that he knew would turn into unbearable pain in seconds. Viktor gave up his pounding, letting himself sink into the depths...<p>

He shot up to the surface, using the last of his strength and oxygen to let out an angry cry, and then he smashed into the ice, and burst through-

"Ah." Klaus said, with a friendly smile. "My friend. You are finally avake."

"Where am I?" Viktor asked groggily, although one look at his surroundings answered his questions. He was no longer in Siberia. That was nothing but an old memory. He was lying on the cot, with his old friend the Medic leaning over him. It was all coming back to Viktor. Medic had needed his help. He had lay down on the cot. Medic shot him with the syringe...

Viktor's heart seemed to leap to his chest, and he slowly looked down at his stomach. There was Medic, leaning over a gaping hole in Viktor's torso. Viktor opened his mouth to cry out, but Klaus put a bloody finger to the man's mouth. "Shh, shh, mein friend. You are okay."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SPLEEN?" Viktor screamed, his voice reverberating through the small room.

"Ze elephant sedative wore off too fast, I'm afraid, and I seem to have no more of it. I am sorry, my friend. As for vhat I'm doing... OH! Zhere it is!" Medic reached into Viktor's chest cavity, and extracted a giant rocket. "I thought I saw zis on ze X-Ray. You have a story for zis, hm?" Medic put the rocket gently on a nearby table. "One good burp and you vould have been in pieces!" Medic chuckled, but Viktor continued to scowl.

"Please, lighten up, my Russian compatriot! Maybe you vould be happier vith a story?"

Viktor said nothing.

"Let me tell you about a man who I treated back in ze Old Country..."


	5. The Last Chapter

_I'm sorry, but the last chapter of this story is also going to be the shortest, by far. I racked my brains trying to find a way to extend it, but I felt that I couldn't without either a.) Babbling on unnecessarily or b.) Simply rewriting the video, something I told myself I wouldn't do this time around._

_I've decided I may not be done with TF2 fics after all as I have a TF2 Medieval Mode/Half-Life/Portal crossover_ _in the works, as well as tentative plans for a TF2 Hallowe'en special._ _Anyway, enough advertising, thank you for your commitment thus far, please enjoy._

"And then he told me that sleep is for the dead. Now the battle's starting, and I can't find Viktor anywhere! I should never have left that German psychopath alone!" Dell ranted with a shake of his head.

"I hear you, mate." The Sniper said, although he didn't seem to be committing his full attention to the conversation. The two men were crouched behind the driver's side of a pickup truck parked in front of the hospital, and they were peering up at the top of the hill. The Sniper was still drinking his coffee, although he was tense, and his rifle was ready nearby. Only ten minutes earlier, a stray rocket had struck the side of the hospital. "Where in the bloody hell are our reinforcements?"

"Tell me," Dell Conagher said, "Were you here when the Pyro enlisted? Because I heard rumours that-"

"It's about bloody time!" The Sniper cried to the men exiting the hospital, interrupting Dell's musings. "Get the hell up there! They're attacking already!"

The Scout bolted up the hill, with the Demoman not far behind. The Soldier came last, his loose helmet straps bouncing around as he ran up the hill with his rocket launcher in hand.

"Sorry, Engi, this conversation will have to wait!" The Sniper muttered, grabbing his gun and running up the hill after his teammates. The Engineer, cursing under his breath, hurried up with him.

"It's gonna be a beautiful morning, boys!" The Soldier yelled. "Let's kill some maggots!"

* * *

><p>Miss Pauling could see the entire battle from where she stood, on the third floor of the hospital. The teleporter exit she came in on was behind her – painted grey. Behind the teleporter exit was a blue blouse, hung up neatly. She glanced back at the battlefield, where at least forty BLU Soldiers were charging up the hill. RED Soldier was dead already, RED Pyro was nowhere to be seen, RED Engineer and RED Sniper were fleeing down the hill, and RED Scout was trying to help RED Demoman into a wheelchair.<p>

"Not yet..." Miss Pauling muttered to herself, glancing at the blue clothing. "It's not over yet..." Her visit had nothing to do with the RED team, and the Announcer didn't give two damns whether or not Reliable Excavations and Demolitions held the Hospital – no matter which company owned it, She still controlled it. All that mattered to the Announcer was that Operation Ubermensch succeeded. She had already sold Klaus Vetterlein's Medibeam patent to Mann Co. for a small fortune, and she was looking forward to selling the Medigun for even more money. If the Ubercharge feature properly worked, then the Announcer would be a few million dollars richer, merchandising the product of Vetterlein's labours to Saxton Hale, to be sold directly back down the ladder to BLU. It didn't even matter if Vetterlein succeeded. If he died, then a BLU Medic would grab his blueprints and experiment some more. However, in the Announcer's own words, "Klaus Vetterlein is the smartest, most brilliantly reckless Medic we have ever had on either team. If he can't do this, Miss Pauling, then chances are that nobody will be able to for many years. So make it happen!"

Miss Pauling turned back to the window. The Demoman was wheeling himself over the crest of the hill with the wheelchair. The Scout was flying through the air – Miss Pauling doubted he would survive the fall. The Engineer and the Sniper were falling back. Miss Pauling glanced once more to the blue garments, which would allow her claim she was being held hostage, with deep longing.

"One more trip," She muttered to herself. "One more trip to the Operating Room. I'll just take one look at his progress." With that, she walked down to the observation theatre of the OR.

* * *

><p>"Kill me,"<p>

"Later." The fridge door slammed shut, the light went out, and the BLU Spy was in pitch blackness once again. The entire fridge smelled like a sickening mixture of cigarette smoke and formaldehyde-fortified hearts. There were wires protruding from the back of the Spy's head, where a car battery was plugged in. After countless hours of being trapped in this fridge, the Spy had tried to displace the wires by jerking his head around, and therefore killing himself, but he couldn't. To make matters worse, now his nose itched. He knew that a big push was coming by BLU, but even if those mouth-breathing, pigheaded, war-mongering Yankee brutes had the sense to search for him, he doubted that the scatterbrained blonde Medic would be able to reattach his head to something.

" 'grab the blueprints', she said. 'He's a harmless doctor, a cowardly bookworm.' " The Spy muttered around his cigarette before taking a conservative drag. "Get me a body to move with, and I'll shove those blueprints so far up her – oh, _merde!_" The Spy cried suddenly, for the cigarette had just slipped out of his mouth, and now he couldn't reach it. "Doctor! Doctor!" He yelled. "MEEEEEEDIIIIIIIIIIIC!"

THE END


End file.
